so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
