no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
