They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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