I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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