The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
