We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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