Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
