not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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