Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
