doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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