Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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