gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
