i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
