Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
