I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
