1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
