So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
