that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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