I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
