somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
