Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
