:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
