You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
