At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
