you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
