I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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