just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
