Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
