Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
