just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
