he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
