u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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