what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
