You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
