If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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