I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
