He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
