If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
