the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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