and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
