I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
