"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What a dumb baby whore.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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