i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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