I smell stomach acid.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
