you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
