I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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