just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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