this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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