I'm so fucking centered right now
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
