bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize