Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just gift wrapped bread.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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