Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
