Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
