Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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