where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
