fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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