the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
