How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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