Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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